I was cute once

See? Cute! Look at me all 19, blonde and cute like! I feel like a mess now. I know part of it is my fault, I need to keep some things under control and be a little less lazy. But as I look back, I thought I was heavy then and I was 125lbs!

My husband likes to joke that I never had blonde hair, that I just like to think I did. PROOF! I never started coloring my hair until my 20's. I used to do it for fun, now I have to do it to cover my grey. When I was pregnant, my hair turned really dark from the hormones. It still hasn't recovered, other than the grey of course. I'm going to to have my hair done this weekend or next weekend I think. I kinda want to get back to the color of my past (which is essentially my daughter's natural color now). I miss being a blonde, I think I've been a brunette long enough! Maybe this will inspire me to lose some weight. God knows I've tried. My coworker gave me some weight watchers books so I'm going to have a look at them. Either way if and when I ever get pregnant again I want to be sure that I don't gain a pound. I have more than enough to sustain a pregnancy and would love to be 9 months pregnant and the weight I am now so that after the baby is born I'd actually be thinner than I was when I started! My OB thinks that I was misdiagnosed when I was pregnant with Faythe and that I really did have gestational diabetes. That's another reason why I want to be sure that I'm eating properly. That and I'm 36...I'm not a spring chicken anymore!

Don't mean to sound so down in this post. I wish I could say I was okay with getting older but I'm not, at least not right now. Maybe I'll feel this magical acceptance once I turn 40, I don't know. I know that I'm terribly afraid to lose my parents and with getting older that possibility is ever closer on the horizon. I wish I was younger when I had Faythe (and hopefully her sibling) but that couldn't (can't) be helped. I don't want to be an old Mom and Grandma. Ah well, I'll just have to do everything I can to stay young at heart I guess!

So part of that means I'm going to go back to blonde, try to lose weight, maybe get pregnant and then see what happens!